The Dirty Dirty


SO, Here’s the thing. In a nut shell I moved to a place where unlike the CHEERS mantra, no one knows my name and frankly could careless about my existence. I am here with very little family , very little money and I’m living for the first time with my long distant boyfriend.  From a bird’s eye view that is my current situation. Still interested? OK great let’s get a little deeper into what brought me here, what I left and what I hope for in the very near future.

I was 19 years old, just one year out of high school and deciding what the hell life was all about. I had a full-time job and was literally busting my ass working two jobs to be able to afford a new car for my new adult lifestyle. Growing up in southern California afforded me very little opportunity to the submersion of black culture and black professionalism.

I remember being in the car with my mom on our way home from school, might’ve been 16 or so. She asked what my plans were after high school, my very first thought was to “get out of here” as soon as possible. I knew in my heart that little town outside of San Diego would not be my end all be all. I mean, it couldn’t be. This place where girls wore shorts and overpriced UGG boots with sweaters and sunglasses. This very same place where more often than not I was the only black person in a room at any given time, this included the classroom. This town where my graduating class was over 1000 with less than 50 who looked like me. This town that inadvertently proved to me that my ethnic name would never be pronounced right, that I’d spend the rest of my days introducing myself twice slowly and spelling out its contents. This town that did not teach me anything about my history and did little to promote black culture. I had to get the hell out of dodge.

Fast forward many years, party’s, travel and new connections later. I met a boy. Excuse me. I met a MAN. A man who  had no idea would be in my life this long. Many trips, spontaneous face time dates and late night convos later, the relationship blossomed from friend to lover. He brought something to my world that I didn’t know I wanted.  He challenged me, laughed with me and was patient with me during my own growth. His presence in my life became a beautiful unity that grew all the way into year 4.

3 months before our 4 year anniversary i made that move. Many questioned why I would do such a thing. Why would I leave everything behind , all that was comfortable all that was secure? I simply asked them the same thing. Why do YOU find solace in being comfortable? I’ve always operated under the idea that growth ONLY happens outside your comfort zone so I proceeded. I prayed, I meditated, I read, I wrote and finally I cried. Not tears of sadness of what I’ll miss but tears of JOY that I’m actually DOING it. I’m being the bravest version of myself and  following my truth. I’ve always felt that I should be in Atlanta Georgia ( random I know ) but I’ve been called here for reasons I may not understand yet but I’m open to it all. This next transition will be my best one yet. I am embracing all that comes with this and I’m facing it alone , yes I have support from many family and friends but ultimately its me and my dream left to our own devices and we WILL conquer

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